i'm not sure. whether it gona make me look stupid. or overreacted. or just plain stupid.
blog i. biar la i nak royan ke, nak tulis suicide notes ke apa. kann.
it has been almost 100 days. i kira. from the great brakups with Kay. kerja gila.
well, maybe uols tak faham. about the concept of first true love. the silly promise of "not to love anybody else after him". about other promises.
i've given my all.
being a cook.
a companion.
a good nurse.
a teacher.
a step-mother.
a great pet keeper. yeah. we had cats together.
Marissa marah. with the concept of "keep on looking at his page, DAILY". yes. i miss him. everyday. Marissa tepek kepala i. and said "well its your choice. to delete, or not to delete". betul. its my choice. to forget.
every single moment. is so fresh. from the first meeting. first sight.. till the moment of me walking away. i know i do sound weak. losing my grip. sanity lari habis. but it happens when my head lari from great distractions.
work, is the best distractions.
i think i've been working too much. i did many night shift. double shifts. on-call. house-calls. locums. and i started to bake again. selling pastries for family and friends during bulan puasa haritu. work makes me forget benda2 leceh ni.
and end up im under painkillers. painkillers gona shut down my kidneys sooner or later. renal failure leads to death.
overthinking tetiba.
and for Kay now. gundik baru dia cantik. Markisa kalah dalam bab-bab stylista, ke-SKII-an muka, and tahap kemanjaan.
he doesnt know the beauty itself will hurt him badly than i can do, with my blue paring knife.
OVERRRRRREACTED. ladies. im not that psychotic.
i'm not blaming myself of not being smokin hawt ke apa. but it's a pity. that's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. it's like picking your breakfeast cereals based on color instead of taste
again. im not blaming myself tak melaram. i'm a nurse. not a stewardess. like Marissa. yeah she's an ex Malaysian Airlines cabin crew. before she decided gatal nak jadik personal trainer. make-up Marissa semua i la tibai. kikiki
as for Kay now. happy. moved on. apa dia kesah. kan.chill. Markisa royan sekejap ja. lepas amek dadah, Markisa okay. giteww
oscar wilde punya quotes. gini bunyiknya.
"Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
no no no baby.
i nak transform.
young CEO, kerabat raja, crown prince of dubai.
i deserve a young hawt CEO. with good, high class, husband material in him. if look does matter, so be it.
cuz i know. whenever i feel life sucks, i'd remember i'm going to die someday. and yes baby, i'm gona die in glory. and satisfactions. i can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. it expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.
the more i royan. the more sane i'd be. the stronger i get.
so girls. no worries. no judgement to be done. its just more like an expression. than a deep depression.
i think i'm changing my field of studies. to forensic science.
shhh. i tak bagitau Ma lagi. Pa mesti tekejut. Marissa takut ulat.
Bulu je tau. hmm.
Strong Love, MarkisaImran
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